Dear Minivan

Dear Minivan,

I would like to offer my apology to you. No, wait, hold on. Don’t roll your eyes… I’m serious. I am sorry.

I know we haven’t always gotten along, and I’ve done some really terrible things to you. I know you’ve gone 6,000 miles or better waiting for some new oil. I know I’ve let the children eat, drink and spill all manner of atrocities on you.

I know I’ve put goats, pigs, ducks, chickens, and heaven knows what else inside of you, and I’m sure the tarp didn’t always catch everything it was expected to.

I know I’ve spoken badly about you, sometimes while you were still letting me roll safely down the road. Many other times behind your back.

But, in fairness, you’ve had your fair share of punches, haven’t you? Remember that time I was 2.5 hours from home and 3 of 5 bolts holding on a wheel were completely sheared off… on a Sunday nonetheless?

Remember the time you thought the alternator could use a break when I was 120 miles from home? Wasn’t that also a Sunday? I’m sure the alternator really appreciated that.

And what was all that about the wiper blades? Sometimes they would run, sometimes they wouldn’t and sometimes when they stopped they would stay up instead of down? Just have to be different, don’t you?

Yet, here we are, still trying to find a way to work and live together.

Recently you did me a favor, and I appreciate it very much. So, I would like to apologize for all my previous misgivings and thank you for what you did. Thank you for letting me try to fill every cubic inch of you with camping supplies, humans and a dog and for putting up with 540 miles, or nearly 9 hours, of toting us around.

I tried to have a positive attitude about the trip but I confess that I was nervous. After all, we would be traveling on Sunday a long way from home. It was a recipe for your standard punchline. However, you came through.

I know you deserve to retire. I know you yearn for the wide open spaces of minivan pasture. I hope to give that to you some day, but when I do I will look back on this weekend and remember that I am not getting rid of a troublesome piece of machinery, but rather a hard working trooper who has done more than was ever expected of you when you were made.

Thanks for the great weekend and for getting us home safe – that really meant a lot. Here’s to the Golden Years, which are hopefully not too far away for either of us.

Respectfully,

Jared